Sunday, September 2, 2018

The Supreme Leader, The Hacker, The Lego Guy, The Jedi, and the Maw: Part 1

[Me and Joey, The Mad Titan go into his house.]

Me: Boi what is going on! [High-fives Joey.]

Joey: Well, as I said earlier, you and Rey and Maw got into a fight. Now they left and are mad at you.

Me: Am I a forever alone, Joey?

Joey: Yeah.

Me: BE MORE SUPPORTIVE

Joey: Okay, so Rey is having a Kylo Ren-style tantrum in my bedroom while Maw is on the toilet.

Me: BLU-RAY NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I have to use the bathroom but Maw’s in there! My bladder’s gonna burst, man!

Joey: Like that hasn’t happened before. You can survive it.

[Hello Darkenss My Old Friend plays in Joey’s bedroom.]

Me: Oof. That’s Rey, isn’t it?


Joey: Yes. Now apologize to her.

Me: [Checks phone.] Why is Jar Jar saying “well played?”

Joey: Well, Jar Jar is the key to everything. Now let’s back our friends back.

[We go into Joey’s bedroom, where Rey is sobbing on Joey’s bed while listening to Hello Darkness My Old Friend.]

Me: Oh God. Uh...Rey?

Rey: [Gives me the stink eye.]

Me: 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬...uh...how should I say this without getting cheesy or sounding like I have a crush on you? ...You’re my friend, okay? So is Maw. I’m so, so sorry for screaming at you. I just didn’t like the fact that you used the Dabbing Squidward meme. That’s a dead meme. A very dead meme.

Rey: I accept your apology. Very much. [Hugs me.]

Me: [Gets up.] Uh...Joey...why is she still hugging me?

Joey: Uh...I dunno. Ask Jesus! Let’s go get Ebony Maw.

[Joey accidentally bumps his arm against the threshold, ripping one of his sleeves off.]

Joey: OH GOD! This old house of mine. 😠

[Me and Joey and Rey open the bathroom door.]

Maw: I heard you guys in the other room. I accept your apology too, Kenobi. But why is Rey clinging to you, and why is one of Joey’s sleeves ripped off?

Me: Ignore it. Ignore it very much. 😳

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