Spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned.
Cast: Holland, Europe, Brown Panther, Godzilla Girl, Dryden Vos, Hoo-Hoo, Smarty, One Guardy Boi, No [censored] Sherlock, Wong You’re Invited To My Wedding, and a bunch of actors whose contracts are about to expire
Plot summary: A bunch of adults in Halloween costumes fight Cable from Deadpool 2, who is on purple-colored steroids
Full plot:
So remember Thor: Ragnarok, and how the Asgardians escaped on that spaceship? Well, Purple Cable and his Four Horseman arrive and screw everything up. They kill half of the Asgardians, and Valkyrie and Korg are nowhere to be seen. Also, Purple Cable has subdued the Pirate Angel. Then the start of the movie happens. Purple Cable is literally holding the Infinity Gauntlet to the Pirate Angel’s head, and Tom Hiddleston almost gives the Tesseract to Purple Cable, but then he calls Mr. Hiddleston an Asgardian, which pisses him off, so Loki summons the Hulk, who almost beats up Cable. But then Purple Cable beats the crap out of the Hulk. After, Squidward hands the Space Stone to Cable, who puts it in the Infinity Gauntlet and then kills Tom Hiddleston. Probably not coming back due to his contract expiring. Cable and the Horseman leave Pirate Angel and Tom Hiddleston for dead on the ship, which is exploding.
Meanwhile, the Hulk goes to Earth, and crashes in Doctor Cumberbatch’s mansion, where he turns into Yeah Mark Ruffalo Huh. Wong and Doctor Cumberbatch call Tony Stark, who is glad to see Yeah Mark Ruffalo Huh but doesn’t really care about the Infinity Stones. Then Coke Obsidian and Squidward drop in and attack New York.
All four heroes protect the city, but then Cumberbatch gets captured and taken to Squidward’s ship, which is a flying donut. Wong stays to protect the Sanctum, but Yeah Mark Ruffalo Huh calls Nomad, also known as Captain America.
Tony flies to the ship, but Holland, Europe follows him. Soon he gets tired, but Tony saves Holland by giving him a new “Iron-Spider” suit. Tony and the Iron-Spider then catch Squidward torturing the Doctor. They then throw Squidward out of the ship, where he goes all Leia Poppins on us moviegoers.
Pirate Angel arrives on the Guardians of the Galaxy’s ship. The Guardians then seem to start loving Thor more than their own leader, Star-Munch. Thor, Rabbit, and The Tree then leave to find Pirate Angel a new weapon. Then, the Guardians arrive on Knowhere, where...Purple Cable kidnaps Gamora. Then, Purple Cable takes Gamora to Vormir after torturing her sister, Nebula. The Pink Skull, who is the keeper of the Soul Stone, forces Cable to throw his beloved Gamora off a cliff to get the Soul Stone...which he gets.
Godzilla Girl (A.K.A. Scarlet Witch due to her being in the 2014 Godzilla movie) and Dryden Vos are having a romantic night in Scotland when Corvus Stab and Proxima Daytime Attack them. Corvus Stab then stabs Dryden, which makes him very weak. Cap and Blonde Widow appear, along with the Millennium Falcon, A.K.A. Sam Wilson. They met up with Rhodey and Yeah Mark Ruffalo Huh at the Avengers HQ, and then head for Wakanda, where Black Panther’s sister, Smarty, can fix Dryden Vos and remove the Mind Stone from his head so that Purple Cable won’t get it.
Nebula calls the Guardians, where she orders them to meet up with her on Titian, which is Cable’s homeworld. The flying donut ship crashes on Titan around the same time. The Guardians attack Tony, Doctor Cumberbatch, and Holland, Europe. But they reluctantly form a truce to stop Cable.
As Smarty starts removing the Mind Stone, Cap and the others get ready for a fight with Thanos’s army of space doggos. Yeah Mark Ruffalo Huh is in the Hulkbuster armor, which was in Wakanda for some reason. They are joined by the Wakandan army, Hoo-hoo (A.K.A. M’Baku) and One Guardy Boi (A.K.A. Okoeye). Also, Pirate Angel and Peter Dinklage make a magic axe for Pirate Angel to wield. The Avengers are losing the Wakandan battle, when Pirate Angel and Rabbit and The Tree arrive in Wakanda to fight.
Cable arrives on Titan, where he and the Avengers fight. Cable stabs Tony, but the Doctor gives up the Time Stone to save his iron butt.
Corvus Stab attacks Dryden Vos and Smarty. Corvus Stab and Dryden fall out the window and into the Wakandan forest. Yeah Mark Ruffalo Huh arrives, only to be greeted by an angry Coke Obsidian. Coke Obsidian and Yeah Mark Ruffalo Huh fight, and Yeah Mark Ruffalo launches Obsidian into the sky.
Purple Cable inevitably arrives in Wakanda, where Godzilla Girl is forced to destroy the Mind Stone. Cap distracts Cable for a good...five seconds. Godzilla Girl kills Dryden, but then Cable goes a few seconds back in time to grab it from Dryden’s head himself. Dryden dies because of this.
Thor then arrives to kill Cable, but Cable snaps his fingers and all of the new Avengers and the Guardians (except Rocket) bite the dust. *and another one bites the dust*
Stay after the credits to see Mace Windu contact Shazam—er, Captain Marvel.
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